How Do Children Feel About Open Adoption? [Real Adoption Stories]

Children in open adoptions  have been proven to have better well-being than those who haven’t been able to have information about their birth parents.

“I feel no resentment towards my biological parents; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’m grateful for what they did. One day, I’m going to meet them. And when I do, I’m going to thank them for what they did for me,” says John, an adoptee.

Some stereotypes negatively portray adoption and how adopted children feel. For instance, you may have seen the “sad adopted child” tropes in a movie or TV show. However, these tropes are misguided and often based off of closed adoption arrangements. Open adoptions offer significant benefits to the children involved. They can grow up knowing their adoptive parents and birth parents, ask questions about their adoption and feel like they belong.

In this article, we’ll review four benefits of open adoption for children. To hear more open adoption stories or talk with a dedicated adoption specialist, you can call 1-800-ADOPTION or complete our online contact form.

How Does Open Adoption Affect the Child? [4 Benefits of Open Adoption]

On the surface, an open adoption might seem hard for a child: growing up with multiple families, navigating social perceptions, etc. However, open adoption isn’t confusing for kids. Cole, who was adopted as a newborn, explains that it’s something that has always been part of his life.

“It’s just like you’re growing up knowing how to spell your name,” he says. “I’m growing up knowing that I was adopted.”

Research shows that children in open adoptions are happier than those who don’t have contact with their birth parents. Additionally, children in open adoptions can:

1. Learn Their Family Background

In an open adoption, children know who their birth parents are and may even talk with them regularly. There’s no question about who they are and where they came from. This can help reduce identity confusion as they grow up and develop a solid sense of self.

Additionally, when birth parents keep in contact, the children have access to updated medical information. If the birth mother or father develops a genetic disorder post-placement, they can inform their child’s adoptive family. This can help maintain or improve the child’s health and well-being.

2. Understand Why Their Birth Parents Chose Adoption

Children notoriously ask “why.” As they piece together their life story, they might question, “Why was I born?” or “Why was I adopted?”

Adoptive families and birth parents can work together to answer these questions in open adoptions. Providing age-appropriate answers gives the child a full understanding of their origins.

“Why my parents adopted me is because my birth mom had one child and she worked a lot, so she gave me to my other family,” Alexander, a 7-year-old adopted child, says. “Now I live with them, and I like my life.”

Children in open adoptions know they are loved and that they belong, which helps protect against feelings of abandonment. If they do have strong emotions, their birth parents and adoptive parents can validate their feelings.

3. Form a Relationship With Their Birth Parents

Children in closed adoptions typically have to search for their birth parents if they ever want to form a relationship. But in an open adoption, the adopted children can determine how they feel about their biological parents. They don’t have to wonder what their birth parents are like because they’re a part of their lives.

Diana, who was adopted as an infant, understands why her birth parents made their decision and loves them very much. She meets with her birth father often to catch up and enjoy margaritas.

“My birth parents, like a lot of birth parents, are off living cool lives — they completed their education and career goals, they’re both married and have families,” she says. “Could they have done that with Baby Diana on their hip? It’d have been tough, but probably. Plenty of single parents do! But they wanted a different life for themselves and for me. They made an incredibly tough call, but it opened up a lot of opportunities for all of us, and that’s something I’ve always respected.”

4. Be Loved by Two Sets of Parents

How do adopted children feel about having two sets of parents?

“Adoption means you have two family,” one adopted child explains. “One is the family that gave you life, and the other family is the family that gave you a home. Because of adoption, I am special.”

Although the adoptive family is legally responsible for parenting the child after the adoption is finalized, the birth parents can act as additional support. They can answer questions, reaffirm feelings and be there if the child wants to talk. They can also become positive role models for communication, cooperation and resilience based on their adoption experiences.

Are Open Adoptions Better for the Child?

Yes, open adoptions greatly benefit children who are placed with adoptive families. Children in open adoptions can learn about their family background, understand why their birth parents chose adoption, form a relationship with their birth parents and be loved by two families.

That’s why American Adoptions of Colorado only facilitates open and semi-open adoptions. Expecting parents who work with us can trust our waiting families to communicate via email and phone during and after the adoption and arrange at least one in-person visit in the initial five years of the child’s life.

“To my birth parents, I’ve probably told you this already, but thank you,” Diana says. “Thank you for not just choosing to place me for adoption when you knew it would be the hard but right decision, but also thank you for giving me this family. Out of all the places I could have wound up in the world like this is where I ended up. And I’m so grateful for that.”

If you want to learn more about how open adoption affects a child, call 1-800-ADOPTION or fill out our online contact form. You can give your child a brighter future today.

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