Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents: Choosing Your Baby's Family

In an open adoption, you get to choose your baby’s adoptive family and establish a relationship with them.

After selecting one of our waiting families, you can talk with them for the first time on a mediated conference call with your adoption specialist. This is your chance to create a list of questions to ask adoptive parents.

It’s normal to feel excited, nervous or even apprehensive about meeting a prospective adoptive family. Choosing your baby’s adoptive parents is a huge step in the adoption process. But you won’t be alone: Your adoption specialist can help you come up with questions and prepare for the call.

Need help finding an adoptive family? Give us a call at 1-800-ADOPTION or fill out our contact form. We can curate a selection of profiles for you based on your preferences and wishes for your baby. You can also view waiting families on our website on your own time.

Do I Get to Know the Adoptive Parents?

Yes! In an open adoption, you can get to know your baby’s adoptive family before you give birth. Typically, you’ll first meet them on a mediated conference call with your adoption specialist. Her goal is to facilitate the conversation so you can ask the hopeful adoptive couple about their lives, values and plans for a child.

These early interactions allow you to establish a connection with your baby’s adoptive parents and build a relationship based on trust and understanding. It’s an opportunity for everyone to share their hopes and dreams for the adoption. And you won’t be alone: Your adoption specialist will be by your side to provide support, encouragement and a listening ear.

15 Questions to Ask Potential Adoptive Parents About Themselves

Our adoptive family profiles contain a lot of information, including letters, photos and videos. This can give you a peek into each family’s life. However, you probably still have questions you’d like to ask.

Sharing stories and experiences can show you what kind of people they are and what they care about, which can help you determine if they’re the right adoptive family for your baby. So, take your time getting to know each other during the initial conference call by diving into these questions:

• How would you describe yourself?

• How did you meet your spouse?

• What do you love the most about your partner?

• Do you have or plan to have other children?

• Are you close with any extended family members?

• What was your childhood like?

• What family traditions do you follow?

• Do you celebrate any holidays?

• What are your values and beliefs?

• What do you like to do for fun?

• Are there any activities you want to share with a child?

• What are your home and neighborhood like?

• What do you do for a living?

• Do you have childcare arrangements?

• What kind of education do you want your child to have?

10 Questions to Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents About Adoption

Starting with some general questions from the list above can break the ice and help you feel more comfortable. Once you’re ready, you can ask about their adoption plans specifically.

Here are 10 questions to ask potential adoptive parents when adopting privately through an agency:

• Why do you want to become parents?

• What led you to choose adoption?

• Do you have personal experience with adoption?

• Have you done any research about adoption?

• Do you know someone who is a birth mother, adoptee or adoptive parent?

• What will your parenting style be like?

• How will you talk about adoption with a child?

• How will you help a child connect with their culture and heritage?

• What open adoption contact frequency do you prefer?

• What kind of relationship do you want to have with me after the adoption?

3 Things You Shouldn’t Ask an Adoptive Family

It’s important to feel comfortable with the adoptive family you choose for your baby. However, you may want to avoid some topics during the initial conference call.

• Avoid asking about the couple’s struggles with infertility. Some adoptive couples have experienced miscarriages and stillbirths, and others have tried for years to grow their families. Bringing up this topic can be painful for those hopeful adoptive families.

• Avoid asking the adoptive couple to make sudden promises. You also don’t want to agree to anything without thinking it over. It’s okay to take time to reflect on the conversation before deciding on your baby’s adoptive family.

• Avoid asking about the adoptive couple’s finances. You can rest assured that all of our families are financially ready for a child. If you have any questions or concerns related to money, your adoption professional can help.

If these subjects come up naturally, it’s okay to carry the conversation. However, you’ll want to primarily focus on sharing your story and wishes for your baby and getting to know the hopeful adoptive parents.

3 Things to Share About Yourself

Just as you're eager to learn about the adoptive family, they're also keen to get to know you! They might also be nervous and excited about your first conference call. We recommend thinking about or jotting down some information you want to share about yourself.

Here are three things you might want to talk about:

• Tell them about what makes you, you. What are your hobbies? Are there any cultural or religious traditions that are important to you? Do you have a goal you’re trying to achieve? Think about what you’d include in a description of yourself.

• Tell them how the pregnancy’s going. If you’re comfortable, you can share how the doctor’s appointments have gone and how you’ve been feeling.

• Tell them about your hopes and dreams for your baby. This can help them understand why you’re considering them as prospective adoptive parents for your baby.

Talking about yourself might feel uncomfortable, but the adoptive family you choose will want to know who their child’s birth mother is. These conversations are opportunities to build trust and connection, which can pave the way for a strong relationship once the place is placed with their adoptive parents.

Build a Lifelong Bond

Your relationship with your baby’s adoptive parents can extend far beyond the adoption process itself. Depending on your preferences, you can maintain regular communication and even become an extended family member. This bond can enrich your child’s life and contribute to a healthy, supportive environment.

Want to talk to a birth mother who has been through the adoption process? Michelle can answer your questions about open adoption relationships and help you prepare to meet a potential adoptive family. You can call 1-800-ADOPTION and ask for Michelle, email michelle.d@americanadoptions.com or fill out our online contact form.

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