What Is Open Adoption Like for Birth Mothers?
When you choose an open adoption for your baby, you’re not “giving up” on them. You’re choosing a brighter future for them full of opportunity and love.
In the past, birth mothers couldn’t be sure how their babies were doing. Many struggled with intense emotions because of the limits of closed adoptions. But now, you can rest assured knowing who is caring for your baby with an open adoption.
This type of adoption offers a variety of benefits to you, your baby and their adoptive family:
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You can build a relationship with your baby and the adoptive family
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The adoptive family will know more about their child’s background
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Your child can ask about their adoption story
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The adoptive family can help reaffirm your child’s identity
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Your child will have access to their medical history
You might feel guilty, sad, angry or uncertain, but you’re doing what you think is best for your child. If you want to talk with someone who understands what you’re going through, give us a call at 1-800-ADOPTION. Many of our staff members in Colorado are birth mothers, adoptees and adoptive families with similar experiences. They can offer support and help explain what open adoption is like.
Understanding the Birth Mom Open Adoption Process
As an expecting parent, you control every step of the open adoption process. You get to create your adoption plan, choose the perfect family and decide how much contact you’d like to have.
Every family we work with is open to emails and phone calls as well as an in-person visit within the first five years of your baby’s life. Because most pregnant women prefer open adoptions, these are our minimum requirements for adoptive families. However, some adoptive parents are open to more frequent contact and visits.
Typically, contact starts after you choose an adoptive family for your baby. Your adoption specialist will arrange a mediated conference call with the hopeful adoptive family where you can ask questions, tell your story and discuss their parenting plan. If you’ve found the right adoptive parents, you can move forward with the adoption. Otherwise, your adoption specialist can provide you with more profiles to browse through.
After your baby is placed with their adoptive family, you can keep in touch using a variety of methods:
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In-person visits
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Milestone events
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Video calls
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Phone calls
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Texts
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Social media posts
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Emails
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Letters
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And more
Our adoption specialists can mediate contact and offer advice if you need it. Our goal is to help you figure out what open adoption is like. We can provide you with the support you need so you feel comfortable talking with your baby’s adoptive family.
Do You Feel Unprepared for Open Adoption?
For birth mothers experiencing grief, open adoptions can be healing. Keeping in touch with your baby’s adoptive family can help reaffirm your decision and put your mind at ease. However, it’s alright if you don’t want to communicate right away. You may need time to process the adoption and rest after giving birth. Contact can begin whenever you’re ready — there’s no rush.
If you need additional support, you can start with a semi-open adoption. In this type of adoption, we act as an intermediary and help mediate communication with the adoptive family until you’re ready to contact them on your own. This is a great option if you want to maintain your privacy and preserve your identifying information. Our adoption specialists can pass along letters and pictures for the first 18 years of your child’s life.
And if you decide you never want an open adoption, that’s okay too. Because you handpicked your baby’s family, you can trust they will have a bright future. You can move forward without guilt or shame because you made the selfless decision to consider their life before your own.
3 Open Adoption Birth Mother Stories
Although you might feel alone right now, other women have walked the same path you are on. They chose open adoption after discovering an unplanned pregnancy because they wanted to see their babies grow up with the loving families they picked out.
Learning about their journeys can help you understand what open adoption is like in Colorado. Here are three open adoption stories from birth mothers:
1. Colleen: Finding the Perfect Family
Colleen found out she was pregnant at 38. Parenting was possible, but her work took her all around the country. Her baby girl wouldn’t have had the same life as she would with a family.
She knew she had found the right family when she came across Lexie and Chris’s video profile on our website. They loved playing with their son and cooking family meals. And, incredibly, they lived in the same town as Colleen.
“I get to see Chris and Lexie and their son and baby Tess,” Colleen says. “At least once a month, we all get together. I’m so grateful that I get to watch Tess grow in this amazing family. I get to see everything that they provide for her that I would not have been able to. It just kind of reassures me every day that I made the best decision.”
2. Angelica: Making the Right Decision
At 20 years old, Angelica had two boys and was pregnant with a third baby. She wanted to keep her little girl, but her living situation made it difficult. So, she decided to call our agency.
After viewing hundreds of family profiles and talking with her adoption specialist, Angelica found the perfect adoptive family in Jenn and Keith. They wanted to know how Angelica would raise the little girl and promised to talk whenever she’d like.
“They would never want to keep her from me because they just said I gave them the most precious gift they could ever have,” Angelica says. “I know that she’s going to have the best life she could ever have. I don’t ever want anything to stand in her way, and I know she has two people that she can look up to.”
3. Caitlin: Building a Lifelong Bond
When Caitlin realized she was pregnant, she was already parenting a son and planning to go back to school. She didn’t know much about adoption, but she knew that it was the best option for her and her baby — even if she only received yearly letters.
After talking with her adoption specialist, Caitlin learned she could get regular texts and emails through an open adoption. It was more than she dreamed. She would get to see her baby grow up with the adoptive parents she picked out: Amanda and Matt.
“Knowing that I can be around and be there — I don’t even know how to put it into words… I’m like a cheerleader on the sideline, and that’s more than I could have asked for,” Caitlin says of her open adoption relationship. “He gets this family who can take care of him and do everything I couldn’t, but he can also know that I didn’t just give him away. I had a purpose for him, and it was meant to be.”
Create an Open Adoption Plan
Unplanned pregnancies can feel overwhelming, but there is hope. With open adoption, you don’t have to say “goodbye” to your baby. You can give them the best possible opportunities in life while still maintaining your relationship as their birth mother.
If you’re ready to get started with adoption in Colorado, our adoption specialists can help you create an open adoption plan that outlines what kind of family you’re looking for and how often you’d like to communicate. You can reach us at 1-800-ADOPTION or through our short contact form.
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